The Kiss Hello

There are a couple of traits that bond me to my friends from home. There's awkwardness, self-deprication, and the complete lack of confidence (all of these best summed up in our ritualistic birthday greeting of "Here's your birthday present, you can throw it away if you want"). Granted, we've all overcome some of these faults (in society's eyes, not mine) and function (nay, thrive) in the real world now. But there is one thing that I just don't understand and can't get behind, no matter how confident I become.

The kiss hello.

No.

It's understood in my circle of friends that we don't hug. We don't shake hands. We don't even look at each other. Okay, I'm lying on the last two and we hug occasionally, but physical contact is not a necessary part of our greeting or bye-bye process. A simple "hi," "hey," or "hello" does the job with the skill of an employee of the month. The kiss hello doesn't happen in Tennessee, not even amongst the other social groups I observed in the KUC on campus.

Up here in New York, especially in the entertainment business, the kiss hello is spreading germs all over the place. Just a couple hours ago, a man and woman came in for a meet-and-greet with my boss. Kiss hello. Really? I'm pretty sure all of these people are seeing each other for the first time and that is being accentuated with a kiss? A kiss? A kiss is the grand finale of a wedding, the biggest day of at least one person in attendance's life, not an acceptable substitute for a hand shake. "You may now shake the bride's hand."

I know this isn't a big deal. It's not a crotch-grab-hello (which I would maybe accept just because of the ridiculousness of it and the fact that no germs are being spread). I just still don't know what to do when put in these situations of saying hello to someone and suddenly finding them kissing me. Do I kiss back at the last second, going against everything I believe (EVERYTHING)? Do I let it slide? I normally let it slide and act like it never happened. Kiss hellos and goodbyes are only acceptable in dating situations, period.

So that's today's rant. I also have similarly backwards theories about bathrooms, elevator use, and saying goodbye. I'll get into those later.