Grip Like A Vice

Thanks to Ashley for showing off her book last night at dinner. I now find myself in one of those. THANKS.

Since Ashley's been in town, it's been like the jolly old times of last fall. And yes, those were jolly times to me. I worked as much as I do now but I know I was a lot happier. Maybe it was because I love Late Show (yep), maybe it was the people (I trust them with my life), maybe it was the fact that there was a show every day and I got to see where all my work was going (sometimes my work even made it on air). I hit a high point in my life last semester, honestly, and retrospect and nostalgia is totes amplifying this.

And now that dream is dead. It hit me this weekend. Improv has taken over my life to the point that I can't realistically dream about working at Late Show anymore. I've known this all along. The weekend I spent working on my application for the job of research assistant was a grueling one, an intense one, and a non-fun one because I missed a concert. That's what that life is like sometimes, hello, and the idea of getting a job at Late Show right out of college was intoxicating. If that had happened, however, I would not be doing improv right now. I know I'm a better improviser than I am a researcher, by the way. So things worked out fine.

While walking to work this morning (in the 30 seconds it takes from R-train to front door) it hit me: I would be happier in Nashville working at Channel 5+. I would be happier directing a TV show again, even if it is about menopause, the Titans, and road work. I miss working on a television show that is being made now, that is active, that is live. That's what I did in college, that's where I thrived. I miss that urgency and I miss how I acted in that urgency. I want to see Decisive Director Brett again. It's been so long and I'm so lethargic at work that I think that Brett is dying. The only blip of life in that Brett is in improv.

And that's why I'm in New York now. That's where I get to be the Brett that I like, the Brett that I think actually has the ambition to have a career in this business (the business of comedy, preferably comedy on television). I organize, I schedule, I listen, I react, I improv.

Of course living in New York is really expensive. I have an expensive apartment that I will be alone in this summer after planning on having a roommate. Everything fell through and now I will be eating two sandwiches a day and, yes, ending my comic buying (we'll see how well that one goes). I also finally got my insurance card today, so I'm back on my allergy medication after getting pretty fugly. But in New York, I can only get 30 pills at a time instead of 90 and, the kicker, it cost me $67 when it normally costs me $10-$15. The pharmacy said this may go down eventually....but the thought of now spending upwards of $60 on medication a month when that is, seriously, 20% of my total spending money for an entire month is Freaking. Me. Out.

I. Need. More. Money.

Do. You. Need. Plasma?

Right now I'm grateful that I have "Grip Like A Vice" by The Go! Team to listen to (it's on my myspace page). Uplifting. For real.