We don't have no control, we're under control

Do you ever just have one of those weeks when your entire life gets turned upside-down? A status quo change on the level of Sidney taking down SD-6, Angel taking over Wolfram & Hart, or flash forwards becoming the new thing? That's what this week has been for me and I'm finding it all a little hard to take considering today is Valentine's Day.

On Monday I ended a phase in my life a bit prematurely...but it was necessary. That doesn't mean it's stopped hurting. Because it does. I've never caused that much drama and sadness before, in myself let alone someone else, and it's not easy to adjust to. I'm glad I have other things, positive and negative, to look forward to to take my mind off of this. Also, being able to hide status updates on Facebook is the best thing in the world related to the most useless application in the world.

On Tuesday I found out that you can get fired for doing everything that I wrote about a couple weeks ago. Okay, it's not really getting fired so much as getting dumped by my place of employment. It's not working out, I'm not having fun, all that stuff. All of which is true. I think if you know me you know that I love the X-Men, have issues with social interaction, and loathe my job. So this is the push I need to get another job, I just don't like that I'm not controlling when it happens. But yeah, if it was up to me I have no idea when it would be. And to be fair, I've been trying a lot harder at my job and have started doing many other tasks outside of my normal realm to try and be a better employee, not that any of this has really been noticed. I was actually told that my job isn't important. Can't wait to work here for six weeks with that comment hanging over my head.

If it wasn't for my friends, I don't think I would have been able to keep a solid grasp on my mind. To illustrate the depths of sadness I have fallen into, I listened to Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea on the subway this morning and had to keep the tears back. And that's not even an album I really like all that much. My friends all jumped in immediately to help me on Tuesday, correcting my cover letter and giving me all sorts of leads and advice. If it wasn't for you guys I would be directionless and clueless and definitely wouldn't be able to muster the strength to blog (I apparently can muster up the strength to watch Flavor of Love 3). I called the six of us that met on Tuesday night at a diner to talk and vent our Friends, which was immediately met with ridicule and then morphed into an argument about which sad soul got stuck with being Joey (no one, we decided two Chandlers was better).

Another friend helping me out during this long and emotionally uncertain time is Room On Fire, the sophomore album by the Strokes. Everything about the album is important to me right now, from the tone of the guitar to the strained vocals, everything down to the feelings and memories each song conjures up. I bonded with this album while simultaneously bonding with three of the best friends I've ever had during one of the best times of my life, and that is something that enhances this album and makes it feel like home. The lyrics to the songs, particularly "What Ever Happened?," "Under Control," and "Automatic Stop," put my current feelings into words better than I ever could. Isn't that what the perfect album is supposed to do? Well, it's doing that.

I don't know what's coming up next and it terrifies me. I'm very much a creature of habit and a person who finds comfort in his own past. I constantly yearn for the days of yore, their blemishes and pains completely wiped away by my own nostalgia. One of the goals for 2008 is to have a four month stretch that at least matches the halcyon days of my Late Show internship and these changes are exactly what I need to accomplish this.

Also, if we haven't hung out in a while, give me a call. Odds are I miss you and would enjoy seeing you again. And we don't have to see improv, I swear. I can do other things.