I'm MORTIFIED!

Since all of the junk I've acquired in my last 23 years of living will eventually make its way to my tiny New York apartment, I've spent most of this evening going through it and throwing away the excess (I've said goodbye to a lot of Overpower cards). I just came across a journal I kept for my 4th grade class and, well, enjoy. My current thoughts will be in red.

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My Earliest Memories
age: 3
Well, it started when I was three. I had a dream that Darth Vader standing at the edge of my bed. He was about to slice me when I darted up and ran to my mom's room. I'm assuming I didn't include my dad in this since he worked nights.
age: 4
I also remember once when I was taking a bath and grabbed my mom's shaver. Two minutes later I called for my parents. I had blood all over my face and hands.My mom nearly fanted. The funny thing is, I wasn't crying. That is funny.
age: 4
Then Preschool. I don't remember who my teacher was but I do remember that she was mean.
age: 4
Then things got better. for pre-kindergarden I had Mrs. Lisa. She was nice. I can remember playing with a potatoe head. I also remember stealing a little Transformers microscope. No way I'd fess up to that in writing then, with the crime still being recent.
age: 5
I was so excited about kindergarten. I had Mrs. Russel. She was okay.
age: 6
1st grade. Mrs. Portman. Bad memories.
age: 7
2nd grade. I had Mrs. Sperlich. I liked her. She visited me in the hospital when I was dehydrated and gave me an off-brand G.I. Joe. She bribed her way into this good review.

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An Ordinary Saturday
I woke up, my parents are asleep. I go downstairs and watch Cro, Bobby's World, Sonic, Garfield, and X-Men. Then I will play wiht my puppy Lucky. He has a squeeky toy that I throw and he fetches it. Mom cooks breakfast and then it's time for the Tennessee game and I go to my room. I'll start to play with Legos, but soon I get bored. I beg my Mom to take me somewhere but she says no. Holy crap, that is such a depressing sentence. My mother probably said no because she knew 'somewhere' was a toy store and the trip would end with me begging her to "write a check" for a toy (because to a kid, "writing a check" means you don't have to pay for it).

I eat lunch and go watch more television. I will read a couple of comics and draw a few pictures.

Then we go out to eat with some friends. I have no idea who these 'friends' are. I think I added this after realizing how boring and depressing my ordinary Saturdays were.

THE END

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The Rainbow
I saw a rainbow. It glitered in the sun. It's oclors were pink for beauty, red for love, and yellow for sunshine. It would be fun to slide down a rainbow. They would make wonderful Valentine's Day presents. Speechless.

THE END

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Thanksgiving
11-29-93

I went to my grandparents house. My boy cousins who are my friends weren't coming and I was stuck with my two girl cousins and their brother who is 3 I didn't have very much to eat. My grandmother forgot to cook corn.

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12-2-93
A wolverine is going to jump out at the fox and kill it. The people don't see it happen. This from the author of "The Rainbow." I had range! This entry creeps me out.

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Christmas
1-4-94

On Christmas Eve, I got 5 X-Men figures and one was a bendable one. A Street Fighter 2 and Jurassic Park for Sega. I also got a racecar, and a 10 inch tall Cyclops figure.

On Christmas Morning I got a Sega Genisis, 3 more X-Men figures, and an X-Men game for Sega.

At 6:00 we went to my friends house. We played Jenga, Boldardash, and watched a movie. They gave me Homeward Bound.

Sunday morning at 7:00 we drove down to my grandparents trailor. I got 17 comics, and two models.

Yesterday we took back the racecar and got 7 games. This has to be a typo. I don't think I ever owned more than 7 Sega games and one racecar for 7 games, of any sort, seems crazy unequal.

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School
3-10-94

School is a place were you learn. You should behave and not talk during class because you might get a treat like watching a movie or have free time.

We come to school to learn not to play and make paper things. I made X-Men action figures out of paper.

Your attention should be on the teacher, not on X-Men or comics and cards. All lies.

You should act good and maybe you won't get your card turned. Card turned once is dictionary word. Card turned again is a long dictionary word. I remember that "run" was the grandaddy of dictionary words due to its never ending number of meanings. It's legend grew amongst students and teachers used it as a warning. "Be quiet, or I'll make you copy run!"

But you can have fun and play at another time because in class is not the time. If you don't pay attention in class, when the big test comes, you might fail it.

Why should you go to school? Because it teaches Math, Spelling, English, and Science. Remember, school isn't the place to play around. We must have gotten in trouble that day, because I can't think of any other reason to assign this. I did make it one page long though, showing that I knew how to stretch an idea for it's assigned length even then.