Hype Machine: August 2007

Time to take a look at Marvel's comic book solicitations for August. I'm definitely not buying many of these books, but I can still gripe about them!

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #112
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils by STUART IMMONEN
Cover by STUART IMMONEN & RICHARD ISANOVE
There is a huge explosion in the side of the Triskelion—the side housing superhuman criminals. And from the acrid smoke emerges a man seething with vengeance—a man who wants Peter Parker dead! That man is Norman Osborn, the Green Goblin! And for the web-spinner, things are about to get out of control. All this and the Shocker, too! Ya can’t miss it!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

You know what, I can miss it, but the promise of More Money August (still searching for a better name) means I will be there for this, the return of the Ultimate Green Goblin. Here's hoping he comes back as many times as his Marvel Universe counterpart...which I think is only one time. Okay, I'm a little fuzzy on my Spidey facts. I'm more interested in seeing how Stuart Immonen handles the drawing chores. He's a phenomenal penciler and designer, I just don't know how he's going to fit in with this all ages apeal book.

ULTIMATE X-MEN #85
Written by ROBERT KIRKMAN
Pencils and Cover by YANICK PAQUETTE
The X-Men have only been reformed for mere days, and they’re already in the middle of a national crisis. The Sentinels have been reactivated—mutants are once again hunted and killed like animals. But who's controlling them this time—and what does it have to do with the newly-formed Mutant Liberation Front?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

For Pete's sake, Ultimate Universe! Grow an original idea! I'm sure the M.L.F. are going to actually be time-traveling gnomes from Nightcrawler's home dimension, all with Wolverine hairdos in an attempt to seem edgy (like Kirkman turning Cable into a future version of Wolverine). But for reals, why must everything be rehashed? Did no one get super powers in this universe that doesn't already have them in the main Marvel one? But seriously, if Kirkman does Ultimate versions of Wild Side, Reaper, Tempo and Forearm, I'm way so there. I have a soft spot for that league of buffoons.

AMAZING SPIDER-GIRL #11
Written by TOM DEFALCO
Pencils and Cover by RON FRENZ
Not only has Carnage captured her father and baby brother, but Spider-Girl realizes that its new host is someone she knows! Guest-starring Kaine and Darkdevil!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

You know how you always walk into conversations just as someone is talking about sucking on their mother's pig feet? You know the wrong time? Out of context? That's what this is to me. Kaine? Darkdevil? Is Halloween Jack far behind?

BLACK PANTHER #30
Written by REGINALD HUDLIN
Penciled by FRANCIS PORTELA
Cover by ARTHUR SUYDAM
"GOOD EATIN" Part 3
After taking a wrong turn on the dimensional super highway, the New Fantastic Four have just become the daily special in the Zombie Universe! Seated at table one: Zombie Galacti! At table two: Zombie Skrulls! And at table three: a Zombie Monster from the Negative Zone! Well the Black Panther, Storm, the Human Torch and the Thing better come up with a perfect escape plan…or are they destined to be zombified.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Marvel's done it! They know what sells more than Wolverine and his new sidekick, Topless Chick With Big Guns (And By Guns We Mean Boobs That Shoot Bullets); zombies. And more specifically, zombies of super heroes. And now that they've started popping up in the main Marvel universe (away from poorly constructed crossovers with other companies), there's no stopping them. "Zombies: The Initiative," "Civil War X: Zombie Battalion," "Marvel Adventures starring General Zombie," "Astonishing X-Corpse," "World War Z," the list goes on and on. And that last one was stolen. I'm just looking forward to the Power Pack/Zombie crossover. It's about time Mass Master got what was coming to him.

HEROES FOR HIRE #13
Written by ZEB WELLS & FRED VAN LENTE
Penciled by CLAY MANN & JOHN BOSCO
Cover by SANA TAKEDA
The Heroes for Hire find themselves in the middle of World War Hulk when their mission to Hulk's stoneship leaves them on the Warbound's death list! It's divide-and-conquer as each hero is hunted by a member of the Jade Giant's band of alien soldiers.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

This is the cover that's causing a big ol' roar, mainly due to it's allusion to tentacle rape. That's a link to Wikipedia, by the way. I don't go anywhere dirty while at work. Bets are off at home. Oh yeah... What am I doing...? Next.

MS. MARVEL #18
Written by BRIAN REED
Penciled by AARON LOPRESTI
Cover by GREG HORN
A new story arc begins as Ms. Marvel drafts two recruits from the Initiative…Machine Man and Sleepwalker?! When Araña is kidnapped, it's time for Carol Danvers to use her newly expanded strike force to squash an evil that's hit too close to home! The ongoing team of writer Brian Reed and artist Aaron Lopresti kicks off the three-part "Puppets" with a last-page reveal that'll have fans of female heroes buzzing!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

Sleepwalker! Ha! I love that Marvel is starting to embrace the f***ing insanity that was the early 90s. Anyone remember Slapstick? Or Death's Head? Or Dark Angel? The Darkhold Redeemers? Vengeance? Motormouth and Killpower? Everything 2099? Bring them on, Marvel!

NEW WARRIORS #3
Written by KEVIN GREVIOUX
Pencils by PACO MEDINA
Cover by NIC KLEIN
Sofia and Wondra face off as the New Warriors respond to Tony Stark’s offer of amnesty. But will they accept or reject it? Meanwhile, Detectives Sykes and Givens uncover a shocking mystery about the death of the original New Warriors, and a former member may hold the key. Plus, Wolverine shows up…and he ain’t happy!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

So M-Day happens and all the mutants on Earth, save 198ish, are left powerless. Except for Iceman, who got his powers back immediately. And Polaris, who lasted a couple more months. And Professor X, who just got his back. Chamber, who was repowered by Apocalypse. Feral, Wild Child, and Thorn. Oh, and Layla Miller says she lost her real powers, but now she has new ones. And Quicksilver is going around repowering people too, now that he has his powers back, sorta. Sticking in the grand tradition of making things stick, here's the new New Warriors series starring Night Thrasher whose death led to the Civil War. That big thing that Marvel shoved down our throats for a year. And. Here. He. Is. Again. Alive. In the fourth series to bear the name New Warriors. At least Bucky is still dead. Oh, wait...

And, lastly, a special section dedicated to the two Joss Whedon solicits.

RUNAWAYS #28
Written by JOSS WHEDON
Penciled by MICHAEL RYAN
Cover by JO CHEN
“DEAD END KIDS”
Super-star JOSS WHEDON (Astonishing X-Men, Buffy) and rising star MICHAEL RYAN (New Excalibur, New X-Men) continue their landmark run. Pun intended. Love is in the air as the Runaways try and run back from 1907.
Part 4 (of 6).32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

ASTONISHING X-MEN #23
Written by JOSS WHEDON
Pencils and 50/50 Covers by JOHN CASSADAY
“UNSTOPPABLE”
The end is near. The situation is dire. The outlook is bleak. But Cyclops has a plan.
Part 5 (of 6).32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Wow, Marvel is really trusting on his name to sell those issues. After reading those summaries, you can only be certain of this: stuff happens and it will be awesome. My favorite is Astonishing's which is comparable to the Rambo tagline "The first was for himself. The second for his country. This time it's for his friend." Things are near, dire, and bleak, but Cyclops has a plan. Woo wee, I'm first in line for that one! Actually, I am. The solicit could be "JOSSWHEDONLOLZ!!!11" and I would buy it.

August is going to be the most awesome month.