Here's what I would do with $500 million. For reals.
- Pay off my car and relocate it to NYC
- Quit my job
- Buy top of the line, prosumer, crazy awesome DV cam, top of the line (Mac?) editing stuff, FinalDraft, use all my time writing sketches and short films and then shooting them with the sole intention of using this to get me and mi amigos on SNL
- Hire Darren Crawford to remake my failed Star Wars trilogy that I wrote in 9th grade
- Not move from my current apartment. Instead, make the bedroom smaller, living room bigger, paint a crazy mural on my bedroom wall, and tweak it out with crazy mod furniture and colors
- Buy a record player
- Buy a smaller apartment building in a borough, either just built or getting ready to go. Completely renovate the thing with new appliances and all that, fully furnished with each apartment representing a different year or fashion trend (avoiding country kitsch and most of the 1990s) give an apartment to all of my friends back home with the option of moving up here permanently or just having their own place to stay whenever they want to, free of charge.
- Take classes at UCB all the dang time and start all sorts of practice groups for myself and my improv buds, hiring the absolute best and my most favorite people to coach.
- Give lots of money to fibromyalgia, cancer, and diabetes research
- Hire a nutritionist and chef to get me on track!!! Preferably a short and sassy older English lady.
- Give lots of money to my sister so she can quit her job
- Give even more money to my parents, so they can both stop working. Encourage my mother to start the business she's always wanted to (involving interior design or clothing) and give her the money to try it and hire people that would help her
- REBUILD OPRYLAND USA in NASHVILLE TENNESSEE! Goodbye Opry Mills mall, which is the most soul sucking circle anyone can walk. Lame lame lame. Chaos and the Grizzly River Rampage every summer, ya'll.
- Pay for The Features to play in NYC every other month (as long as they're willing) covering their travel and hotel expenses, plus paying them a lot of money. I'd also perosonally promote their shows. I'd get them some sorta sweet record deal too...
- Give money to MTTV, not enough so that they can do crazy good productions and buy fancy equipment out the wazoo (since I think that strife is integral to the nature of the place) but enough so that all officers and crew can get paid a healthy amount for their time spent there and that guests can as well, giving them a reason to do the shows.
- Complete my run of Uncanny X-Men not through eBay, but by using my money to travel to find every single issue. Hopefully #3 will be found in England.
- Reunite the Kinks for a concert in NYC playing only pre-1971 songs. All my friends are invited and can stay in our apartment building. Open to the public so we can make some money back; I think I'm running out.
- Pay off my car and relocate it to NYC
- Quit my job
- Buy top of the line, prosumer, crazy awesome DV cam, top of the line (Mac?) editing stuff, FinalDraft, use all my time writing sketches and short films and then shooting them with the sole intention of using this to get me and mi amigos on SNL
- Hire Darren Crawford to remake my failed Star Wars trilogy that I wrote in 9th grade
- Not move from my current apartment. Instead, make the bedroom smaller, living room bigger, paint a crazy mural on my bedroom wall, and tweak it out with crazy mod furniture and colors
- Buy a record player
- Buy a smaller apartment building in a borough, either just built or getting ready to go. Completely renovate the thing with new appliances and all that, fully furnished with each apartment representing a different year or fashion trend (avoiding country kitsch and most of the 1990s) give an apartment to all of my friends back home with the option of moving up here permanently or just having their own place to stay whenever they want to, free of charge.
- Take classes at UCB all the dang time and start all sorts of practice groups for myself and my improv buds, hiring the absolute best and my most favorite people to coach.
- Give lots of money to fibromyalgia, cancer, and diabetes research
- Hire a nutritionist and chef to get me on track!!! Preferably a short and sassy older English lady.
- Give lots of money to my sister so she can quit her job
- Give even more money to my parents, so they can both stop working. Encourage my mother to start the business she's always wanted to (involving interior design or clothing) and give her the money to try it and hire people that would help her
- REBUILD OPRYLAND USA in NASHVILLE TENNESSEE! Goodbye Opry Mills mall, which is the most soul sucking circle anyone can walk. Lame lame lame. Chaos and the Grizzly River Rampage every summer, ya'll.
- Pay for The Features to play in NYC every other month (as long as they're willing) covering their travel and hotel expenses, plus paying them a lot of money. I'd also perosonally promote their shows. I'd get them some sorta sweet record deal too...
- Give money to MTTV, not enough so that they can do crazy good productions and buy fancy equipment out the wazoo (since I think that strife is integral to the nature of the place) but enough so that all officers and crew can get paid a healthy amount for their time spent there and that guests can as well, giving them a reason to do the shows.
- Complete my run of Uncanny X-Men not through eBay, but by using my money to travel to find every single issue. Hopefully #3 will be found in England.
- Reunite the Kinks for a concert in NYC playing only pre-1971 songs. All my friends are invited and can stay in our apartment building. Open to the public so we can make some money back; I think I'm running out.
1 comment:
i call dibs on one of those apartments.
i hate to say it but opry mills is my fav place to shop in cashville. they have forever 21 which is kinda like h&m for those less urban. but i would still be in favor of you tearing it all down. you could buy back the hangman sign from that skeezy bar in smyrna!
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