Ballad Of a No Callback Kid

The most tumultuous season for the indie improv community started on Friday and is expected to end sometime midday on Wednesday. Harold auditions. Auditions that determine which of us get to perform on official house teams at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

I have a lot of thoughts on this process, some of which I'll try to clumsily convey here. I failed spectacularly last year. I went in not caring, did one bad scene and one mediocre scene and then left, more upset than I should have been. I didn't know how badly I wanted it until I didn't get a callback and felt that I'd ruined my chance by not caring. I decided to take a different attitude this year, opting instead to not even worry about a callback (and definitely not making a team), instead focusing on simply having fun. For some reason, fun has not really been part of my improv for most of a year. I've been nervous, afraid that I'll get found out, that I'm not really that good at all. All the natural instincts and desires I've had when doing scenes have been stomped out, leaving me uncertain of my own ideas. I've lately figured out how to stop this, and in the last week I've just been having fun again. So my audition went well.

I did two scenes in the audition, one with Rob who I've been friends with for a while and seen perform numerous times. The other one was with Bryce, who I've been on a team with for a year. So both scenes were fun, had game, and didn't really fall trap to any of the big improv no-nos. I succeeded in having fun. That was the main goal. I did not get a callback, which is actually what I was expecting. For some reason I feel that my path to "success" is not as easy as getting on a team my first audition or even just getting a callback on my second. I think that after last year's failure on all accounts, the next step this year was to have fun. Done. Next year, maybe I can worry about a callback.

I hate this entire turn of events because it makes a lot of my friends (and myself) upset in varying ways. Seeing my extremely talented compatriots kicking themselves over two botches scenes in an extremely artificial and stressful setting isn't cool. If anything, these auditions have made me love our community more and the opportunities that we've given ourselves over the past two years. There are now more teams doing more shows, thus allowing all of us to get more stage time than I think any past generation has had. We've all gotten so great so fast because of our friendships and support. Making it on a team at UCB is validation and a great goal to have, but not getting a callback isn't the end of that. Every one of us has so many other things going on, none of which are as glamorous or, really, as important as a Harold team, but these things are valuable learning tools that help strengthen our community. Shows like the Kaleidoscope are vital to our community. Also having a ton of indie teams either having hit or approaching their 2 year anniversaries is a great accomplishment. The fact that we've all stuck together so long has added a sense of permanence and validation to the indie community. Indie teams are no longer what we improvisers do to kill time before we get on a Harold team, they're viable in their own right. We're awesome. And so is UCB.

I wouldn't have a social setting up here without UCB. The opportunities that theatre gives to students that are serious about improv are pretty amazing. Yes UCB has grown exponentially and it is difficult to get on teams there, but it makes actually accomplishing anything feel that much more rewarding. UCB doesn't just hand out success, they make you work for it in an environment that is conducive to learning, trying, failing and succeeding. On top of that are all the amazing friends I now have, who I'm proud to see on Harold teams and, as of Wednesday will be proud to see on even more Harold teams.

What it all really comes down to is that improv is fun. And even if I never get on a team, I'm proud that I'll always be able to get covered in improv jizz and get rufied while driving a car on various stages across NYC.*

Thanks guys, let's keep it up.

*Both of these happened last night, thanks to Daddy. Thanks Daddy!