And that's it. The show that I anxiously waited all summer for and was continuously enthralled by week after week during what has been one of the more turbulent television seasons has come to a close. It didn't revolutionize the genre, destroy ratings, or become a cultural touchstone. It might not even come back for another season. But what it did do was captivate me and make me write a couple thousand words on a blog. Yes, the formulaic and pre-scripted aspects of the show (including the horrendously ridiculous challenges) were always laughable and deplorable. But where this show succeeded is where reality television as a genre succeeds; seeing real people interact in real ways with other people, seeing them grow and triumph, fail and laugh, seeing all of that with wit and emotion that can't be faked is what made this show so pleasing.The final episode was pretty good. A bit of a let down because the only real drama was from a slumber party misunderstanding. The average nature of the episode didn't keep me from choking up and, yeah, maybe tearing up a lot. Zach winning his gold star, the kids meeting up with their parents, my heart strings are about 8 feet long after being tugged so much. So, on with the blog. I usually profile the kids that stand out in the episode, but this time I'm going to profile all 37 remaining kids. Most of them for the first time since almost half of them did absolutely nothing worth showing on TV. That's what you get when you have to compete with Jared.
Here we go, in alphabetical order.
ALEXAlex first caught my attention in episode 4 ("Bless Us & Keep Us Safe") when he took a poll of everyone's religion, dropping spiritual words on people that they had never heard of (I don't think Kelsey ever recovered from trying to figure out what 'hindu' meant). Since then he has been a source of amusement and amazement. His nerdiness never ceased to be entertaining and his odd tooth kept on perplexing me. Alex didn't do much in the final episode, but he did walk away from this experience with a gold star and a reality show pilot with Jared, if CBS listens to my mindthoughts.
ANJAYYou know, Anjay is a good kid. He was obviously way over his head when he was on the council and he did get flummoxed every time Olivia opened her mouth, but I think Anjay is going to be all right. He's kind, fair, and really tries hard. His admission last episode that Bonanza was the only place he's ever felt in really got to me, which makes me wonder how kids at his school are going to treat him when he goes back. Hang in there, Anjay. You survived Greg on the council, you can survive anything.
BLAINEWow. Who'da thunk that Greg's lackey would end up both on the council and a gold star winner? I don't even think Blaine said anything for the first seven episodes outside of agreeing with Greg. Still, towards the end he started admitting that Greg is looney tunes and, even though he has no grasp on anything other than Tony Hawk video games, he is probably a good dude. I bet he'll totally bail Greg out of jail in a couple years time. He'll do him a solid.
BRETTI know, there was a kid on this show named Brett? You would think an 11 year old with a mohawk, an earring and emo glasses would get screen time. I remember Brett for two things: he really wanted the TV in the first episode and ate a whole lot of candy in the last episode. Bookends. Kid, a mohawk does not make for good TV. Knowing way too much about subatomic teleportation does. You should have hung out with Jared more.
CAMPBELLThe littlest of the green district, as far as I can tell. Campbell didn't get much to do except chew gum like a dancing madman during a challenge and utter the phrase "together we stand, divided we fall" during a poignant meeting. But come on, when you're on a team with the future elected officials of America, you're gonna get overlooked.
COLTONColton got mentioned in this blog for nearly getting killed by a bull to show how macho he was. And that is his defining moment. From that point on, every time the editor needed a kid to voice an opinion contrary to that of the smart kids, they'd cut to Colton's reaction. This kid hated school, hated work, loved the arcade, and tore some s*** up in the candy store in the final episode. Colton is every single redneck I've ever met, just at the age 11. He contributed nothing to Bonanza, as far as what was shown on TV. Adios Colton.
DIVADWhen I look at Divad now, I see so much lost potential. She came to prominence right after Taylor was dethroned. She was sassy, determined, and really conniving. She was convinced that she deserved a gold star for reselling items given away for free in the kitchen and she practically despised those who won it instead of her. Then...nothing. I haven't seen Divad in the last three or four episodes. Did she go home due to the face burning incident? I can't imagine she'd go so quietly, that she wouldn't have another scheme up her sleeve. She brought snacks to people waiting in line to nominate gold star winners. SNACKS.
DKThe voice of reason for forty strenuous days. The DK in this last episode was the DK I've admired from day one. He told it like it was ("The job board is not the freakin' town") and was really in tune with the repercussions of his actions. He cried like, eighty bajillion times in this episode. When his dad commented on how much he had grown, I nodded in silent affirmation. Yes, DK's Dad, your son has grown...into a man...and a confident leader. He is the future. How's that for melodrama? Heyo!
EMILIEI feel so bad for Emilie. One of the fascinating things about this show is that, while watching it, you instantly remember when you were that age and the kids that were just like these pioneers. Emilie is one of those kids. I remember every girl that looked just like her who would try so hard to fit in, who would buy the Lisa Frank folders, who would gossip, who would try to act confident but they could only seem to find friends with the girls that looked just like them. The girls like Taylor, who I also remember plenty of, were rude to them. Totally happened in this episode. Yeah, Emilie's always been a pain, but seeing the Taylorettes disinvite her to a sleepover and then to see Emilie flip out...wow. I don't know what to say for Emilie. I hope things get easier for her. And I hope she has a chicken coop to lock herself in at home.
ERICEric stayed in the background mostly, being a strong and solid supporter and worker for the green district. He always had great opinions and seemed to always give forth his best efforts. He's also really talented, as evidenced during the talent show (click here for some of his original songs). Of all the kids who didn't get much screen time, Eric deserved more the most. But we'll see more of him, since Laurel will appoint him something when she becomes President.
GIANNAWho is she?
GREGGreg. Has reality television seen a more complicated and frustrating 15 year old? Every week Greg would see saw from being a terror to a negotiator, a monster to an inspiration. It got old. But still, Greg worked for the gold star so he could go to college. Greg's dad made him lay PVC pipes one summer. Greg's cousin was shipped off to Iraq during the show. Greg has it hard, and I think that definitely shows in his attitude. He's super defensive and immature, but sometimes he's a really great kid. He can go down two paths, much like Anakin Skywalker (I went this long without a Star Wars reference?). I hope he doesn't get engulfed in lava.
GUYLANGuylan was always immature, but he knew it and actively tried to correct it. He tried the council out, endured a threat from Jared and decided that it was too much for him. He gladly gave it up and continued being the constantly smiling little dude that he is. Interesting note, someone found my blog through the phrase "guylan does he have a girlfriend." That's it.
HUNTERHunter's going to be a great high school boyfriend and college husband.
JASMINEFor real, who is she? Are you telling me that a girl that takes pictures like these...
wasn't interesting enough to be on the show? These pictures are way classier than Taylor and Leila's, mainly because they dont' involve cowboy boots or fishnet. Whatever. I'll see you on Top Model in 7 years.
KELSEYUgh, Kelsey was so annoying. Her mile-a-minute explanation/bargaining freakouts are the stuff of nightmares. Glad that she got to have one on Emilie in the last episode, we all needed some more Kelsey before these kids disappear from TV forever. Sarcasm.
KENNEDYKennedy was always a nice girl and I really hope that she and Savannah get to have many a Paula Deen inspired cooking party together in Kentucky. I wonder if Kennedy will hang her gold star winning chicken mask from her bedpost?
LAURELI've written so much about Laurel, I almost can't write anymore. You all know I think she's a future President, and have since episode one, and you all know that I'm a die hard green district fan. Laurel, you will succeed at everything in the world. It sucks that you didn't win one of the $50K gold stars since, really, you embody Bonanza more than Migle.
LEILA
Need I say more?
MADISONNope, don't know who you are. Were you on Kid Nation?
MAGGIEThere was a GOTH GIRL in Bonanza?!
MALLORYMallory, the littlest gold star pioneer. If that isn't the title of a straight-to-video Disney special presentation, I don't know what is. Mallory had heart and a determination that escaped a lot of her older peers. And, I know I'm in the minority, but any scene where Olivia would talk about how proud she was of Mallory would make me choke up. Shut up.
MARKELLEHis name came up again during gold star deliberations in this episode, mainly because of the fact that this guy knows how to party. He can host, he can smile, he can charm, and I bet he can do a two-step and deliver roses and blow a kiss with the best of them. Markelle is smooth. And, heh, remember when he tore down Taylor's posters? Markelle is also bold. There should have been more of Markelle. Imagine the type of party planning business/record label he could have started with $50,000.
MICHAELSince the first episode, Michael has been a leading force in Bonanza. His wisdom and common sense have prevailed every single time the kids started to freak the heck out (which was daily....or hourly....). He was indeed tested during his time on the council and, really, I think he should have gotten one of the $50K gold stars. Totally deserved it.
MIGLEAnd wow. This is where the $50K gold stars make me mad. I don't think it's fair that Migle won more money than DK, Laurel, Zach, or Michael (I also think it's not fair that Sophia and Mallory won $70K while other kids got nothing). Migle did grow as a person and became a strong worker, I think. Clever editing let us all see the Emilie/Yellow Bunkhouse incident that pretty much screamed gold star in the first half of the episode. But does calming down a bunch of brats merit a gold star? I dunno, whatever.
MIKEYou could almost see the heartbreak when Migle got the gold star and Mike realized he had no gold star to cash in. And that sucks. Mike was instantly the most outspoken of the council. Whereas Laurel was the calming force, the wise matriarch, Mike was the one who spoke first and dealt with Greg. Remember the Jack/Sawyer tension of the first episode? Too bad there wasn't more of that. Mike then remained a solid and consistent presence in Bonanza after Guylan dethroned him "just cuz." Mike deserved a gold star, for sure. He was robbed.
MORGANMorgan is now a multi-multi-ten-thousandaire. Did this surprise everyone else? Yeah, Morgan was a strong voice in the start but she'd kinda slipped into the background in recent episodes. Apparently she helped Greg out a lot. Psychiatrist scenes in the green bunkhouse with Greg laying down on a sleeping bag had better be a bonus feature on the DVD.
NATASHAShe was the Nicole, right? To Migle's Paris? Wasn't she? Or was that another one of the Zuckusses? I'm pretty sure she was the Nicole. She didn't get a gold star. Bet you wish you had worked a little harder right at the very end, huh?
NATHAN"He's not gay, he's just home-schooled."
OLIVIAI liked Olivia, okay? I know everyone in the world thought she was rude, snobby, and a total SWEAR WORD. I didn't. I totally loved watching her crack Anjay's psyche and her hilarious only-funny-in-a-society-with-no-television stand-up routine. For real, America, if Laurel is a future President, then Olivia is a future Paula Poundstone.
PHARAOHLooks like someone didn't live up to their name.
Seriously, at this point I'm just trying to get through this.
SAVANNAHOkay, she gave some good quotes and had a mildly dramatic (to her) conundrum about whether or not to go home that was solved by a super gay chicken dance.
SOPHIAFinally, someone I care about. Sophia reminded me a little too much of my best friends in high school. Smart, forward-thinking, irreverent, compassionate, and totally okay with messing with people for her own entertainment. It became expected; at 15 minutes into every episode, Sophia would do something...just to see what happens. Roping off a piece of town for herself, dropping a quarter into a bucket of slop, I would almost watch a show based around her experiments. From that first episode, Sophia could have gone one of two ways. She could have become a terror, constantly sabotaging and undermining the council's decisions at every turn. Instead she went the other way and became, you know, awesome. Her and Laurel are totally BFF now. That makes me happy.
SOPHIECan you imagine how sucky it must have been for who-cares Sophie?
"Hey, good job Sophia!" "Thanks!" "No, not you Sophie, Sophia."
"Sophia, leave me alone! I want to play in the arcade!" "I didn't do anything!" "Shut up Sophie, I'm not worried about you, you're not Sophia."
"Let's give the gold star to Sophia." "What? Really? I can go to a great school now!" "That's it, we're calling you Not Leila now, Sophie!"
"This is NOT Leila's plate." "Are you talking to me?"
TAYLORTo be honest, as motivational as Laurel was, as awesome as Sophia was, and as mind-blowingly amazing as Jared was, an episode without Taylor wasn't the same. She instantly had a catch phrase ("Deal with it!") and a posse of Mean Girls. I imagine that Taylor just snapped her fingers upon walking into her bunkhouse for the first time and Kelsey and Leila just appeared at her side. I think you could measure a football field by combining the lengths of all the producers' smiles after Taylor left the casting session. Taylor is great TV and the producers hit straight up gold with her. Defiant, stubborn, so many great quotes, always on the verge of cutting someone down, biting someone's head off or crying like a second place pageant queen. I'd almost go so far as to say that Taylor made Kid Nation. Without Taylor, how else would we measure the near perfectness of all the green district kids? And Taylor's mom? Totally all makes sense now.
ZACHZach had probably one of the more pronounced story arcs. He started off a lowly yellow district worker, completely angered by the overwhelming girl power of Taylor and the Taylorettes. From there he campaigned, won, worked hard, led, was knocked out of power by a moron, continued working hard, cried and yelled at Greg, and finally won the gold star in the very end. If I was more analytical and had even more time on my hands I could probably analyze Kid Nation as the coming of age story of Zach. Greg thinks Zach could be on legislature someday. Greg also thinks 'mamsita' is complimentary towards women.
Forget the words, here are some of the moments that you should treasure forever.
Wow. What a ride. Well, that's it.
Oh, wait.
I forgot to profile someone.
That's better.
The end.
1 comment:
i love this show. i love these kids. i love this blog.
it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
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