Curse you, Bay!

I'm not pretending that the upcoming Transformers movie is going to be Oscar bait. I can also say that I've not liked any of the Michael Bay movies I've seen (okay, the only one I've seen is the awful Armageddon but I recall that one getting generally positive reviews from my peers...in 8th grade). But honestly, for a series that began as extended commercials for toys, I think Bay is an okay choice. Transformers was never going to be Million Dollar Baby.

But.

I have serious issues with how the Transformers themselves look in the movie. I was never a die hard fan like some people I know (seriously, there's a devotion that rivals Star Trek to these automobiles) but I played with the toys pretty heavily growing up. And yeah, I get that things have to be reimagined for the big screen (thank God Wolverine didn't wear yellow spandex), but the level to which the Transformers have been changed is crazy.

They look like bugs. Metallic bugs. Look at this, two of my favorite characters with comparisons.

Starscream
Bumblebee

Okay, really, aside from the fact that Bumblee is gold, any similarities? If you traveled back to 1991 and handed me a picture of these two new versions (just a note: I'm wearing acid wash jeans with an elastic waistband, a Mickey Mouse hip hop gear t-shirt, and so many friendship bracelets), would I be able to identify them as Starscream and Bumblebee? No. I mean, Bumblebee maybe, if I looked closely enough to notice that there are tires hidden behind that lattice work of metal. But Starscream? He looks like a gestalt of angry forks. The fun for me, as a kid, was noticing how each robot still resembled their vehicular counterpart. Aside from hidden tires and a license plate cod piece, neither of these can be identified as anything other than Creepy Metallic Alien Bugs.

What's worse is that Starscream looks exactly like Megatron, Ironhide and Jazz. Yeah, all three are to the right. Can you pick out who is who? Megatron turns into a gun, Ironhide a red van, and Jazz a Porsche. Yep. Mmhmm. Bumblebee's not a Volkswagen Beetle anymore, so I guess they can alter the car modes...but still, can you tell which one of these is a gun and which other two are vehicles? Whatever. The one area that they could have adapted easily, the one area that matters the most, isn't even adapted: their heads and faces. The characters have always looked like robots, so why not keep the faces the same and bug out the rest of their bodies?

Whatever.

I'm still going to see this because Shia is wearing a Strokes t-shirt in it, giving my favorite band much needed publicity. Or something. Not.