Where I've Been

Yeah...don't know what I'm doing writing wise anymore. Here at least. I feel guilty about not updating this, especially since my main reason for having a blog is to keep track of my own life. I usually fear that I will forget everything. Yep! This has been a pretty stellar week, oddly enough. I started my new job as a page at The Late Show, and all the fears I had were pretty immediately silenced once I got there. It's fun, a fun job. And I'm back at Late Show in some capacity. And I got to see Rainn Wilson on my birthday, so that was awesome.

Tuesday I got to go to Six Flags with some great friends. I liked this. The day got 5.5 flags, the rain that came in knocking off the half a flag. We met costumed critters!
We also spent the weekend before at Matt Mayer's pool house, or Fort Mayer as I called it. I was reminded all weekend long how much fun my friends are, and how much I love spending an unstoppable amount of time with them. I didn't shower all weekend and slept on a hardwood floor one night, and it was still so awesome due to company. Here are eight of the minutes from the epic Fourth of July weekend.


I also got asked to submit to be a Maude writer (a.k.a a sketch writer) for UCB by the artistic director on Thursday morning. That was unexpected and completely mind-blowing, a big ol' pat on my back that I didn't really need (I had such a great time in 201 and I was already feeling good about myself) but it undoubtably heightened my outlook and mood and perception from feeling really good to feeling really great. Even if I don't get it, it's so flattering to have been suggested and gotten the opportunity. A world of wow.

So many good things are happening to me and my friends right now. Is 2009 turning around? Did I jinx it by writing this?

!2YRS!

Two years ago yesterday I entered New York City (Brooklyn to be exact, Bensonhurst to be painfully honest) with hope in my heart and excitement in every step. At the time I was only coming up here for sixth months, any extension of that stay to be decided after I figured out whether or not I could live by myself in the big city. Believe it or not, New York City is a tad different from Murfreesboro, although New York state is nowhere near as civilized. I get scared up there, ya'll!

I've accomplished quite a bit since moving to New York...I think. Okay, yeah, I now have two entertainment institutions that helped form my opinion of comedy on my resume, so that's pretty awesome. It's quite weird to think about how much I owe to everyone at Late Show and them picking me to intern there two years ago. That opportunity, everything I've done, it all goes back to Late Show. If not for that internship, I have no idea how I would have made it up here. Sincere thanks go out to everyone there.

Two years ago tomorrow night I saw longform improv for the first time (thanks Ashley). It was Mother, Saturday night at 9:00, with Doug Moe, James Eason, Tara Copeland and Jon Daly. That was the four. Seeing that show completely blew my mind and caused me to go back, either by myself or with other interns (okay, just Jon and Ashley), quite often. I saw Mother regularly and eventually saw ASSSSCAT 3000 for the first time in mid-September. By October I had started going to see Death By Roo Roo by myself on a weekly basis. In retrospect, future classmates Beth and Phil were there too, as the intern and fellow audience member, respectively. I did this weekly, actually, and I would always be on the phone in line trying to explain to people why I saw this show every week.

My improv career started on October 15th, 2006, at 3:30 PM when I started my 101 class with Ari Voukydis. Now here I am, two years after seeing my first show. I guess now's as good a time as any to sort out what I've done and where I've come from.

101: Ari Voukydis - This was one of the reasons why my internship was so memorable. Not only was I furthering my career through a fantastic internship, I was taking matters into my own hands and taking a class in my spare time. I figured I was only in New York once and I should go for it while I could. I didn't know if I'd go to level 2 (because I didn't know if I'd still be in New York) and I didn't know what in the world I would use those skills for, but from that first class I knew it was something I was missing. Aside from going to ASSSSCAT a couple times after class, I didn't really hang out with many people from UCB. But it felt good to be a part of something, of a scene, especially being so new to the city. In between the end of my internship in December and the start of my 201 in February, I spent 5 or so nights a week at UCB, always seeing the same people but not talking.

I learned a lot from Ari that I still use to this day. I like to think that I'm pretty okay at object work and this is 100% Ari. I try to never let scenes be in just Improv Space, mainly because Ari did such a great job at making our scenes physical. That's stuck with me, on top of the solid job he did of introducing "Yes And" to me. Ari also boosted our egos by telling us how confident and advanced we were. I remember having game discussions in 101, which I don't know how often that happens. Ari wasn't at our graduation show. Bobby Moynihan filled in and I will never forget the congratulations he gave all of us after the show. He looked me square in the eye, smiling, and said "You were really good!" I'm glad that two of the most awesome guys at UCB were so encouraging and, of course, I had to go on to level 2.

201: Shannon O'Neill - I know I never felt as emotionally destroyed by 201 as others did, but I had a rough go of it sometimes. I don't so much remember what I learned in 201 as who I was learning it with. But if you're reading this far, you've already heard the countless Abe stories. 201 was influential since that's where I first met most everyone who would become Bad Data. My first ever practice group also happened in 201, at Matt Mayer's apartment in Hoboken. I learned a lot about character work in 201, I remember, or at least I tried to. My class show had a moving corpse in it...that really shouldn't have been moving. I did go to Under St. Mark's for the first time during 201, as well as the Magnet and PIT.

301: Shannon O'Neill - This started the very next day after my 201 ended. I know I focused a lot more on support work in 301, which is something that I really want to start focusing on more now. Plus, you know, there was more Abe and The Most Violent Harold In History in my 301 class. Bad Data formed during 301 and I was in and won my first ever Cage Match. Looking back at the lineup, I performed alongside people that would go on to become good friends and part of the thriving indie team community. Really, winning Cage Match during 301 was one of the highest highs I've had in improv. Golden Bullet Band for life.

202: Joe Wengert - This was an eye-opening class. I actually took notes in it that are back in my blog somewhere, if you click on the 202 tag. By the end of the four week class there were only 8 of us, so that last class was, as Joe said, "like Harold team practice." He was the first teacher to actually give all of us personalized notes and goals in front of every other classmate, and I highly appreciated that. And yes, sigh, we're holding improv dildos in that picture to commemorate the...the many improv dildos I introduced into the last Harold we did in the class.

401: Michael Delaney - Class is in session. This, actually, was the hardest class I've ever taken but not in a bad way. Delaney just doesn't let you pick anything to be the game, and he really forces you to your limit as a performer. But he also, at least in my class, really got to know us in a way. He would open up and spend the first ten minutes of every class just talking about his childhood or his son, or whatever came up. Still, I'll never forget the forty minute Harold I watched, or Old Timey Radio...it was great having class with Kim, Matt Mayer and Patrick though. Bad Data got a name and had their first show during this class, and I started interning at UCB.

501: Chris Gethard - Truly amazing. I don't know...I really don't know if I've had a teacher that really cared for us the way Gethard did. He took a personal involvement in making us better and also got great joy at seeing us succeed. Gethard did everything he could to make us uncomfortable (backwards Harolds, gibberish Harolds, etc) but it was exactly what all of us needed and so helpful. The level of trust I got in that class was pretty much a new thing and our second class show was phenomenal. I mean, I got to do a group game that started with "Okay all you Marvel superheroes, get in here!" Gethard also gave us all personal notes, which, man, is the exact same personal note I got in 201 and 401. I get game, I don't need to worry about that. I have to worry about my characters. System Error, the monthly show hosted by LD, TYR and Bad Data, started during my first 501. I haven't been able to make the last couple due to my current 501, but I like what System Error has become. It's always a fun, free time and Bad Data did some of their best shows there.

600: Porter Mason "The Documentary" - Probably, yeah, of any class I've taken, this one is the closest to my heart. I signed up for it to work on my characters after all the notes I had gotten from Gethard, Delaney and Shannon. In this class I learned how to stop freaking out, relax, and just take it slow and real. I've never been prouder of a show and never had more fun with a class. I mean, we kept doing it after class and did a show at UCB. Hopefully we'll keep going in some capacity because this form is so amazing and the people even moreso. Plus, Porter Mason as a teacher and coach was phenomenal. The notes he gave me really helped me out and he's also just a great guy that I can talk about X-Men with.

501: Shannon O'Neill - As awesome as my first 501 and the Doc were, this is it. I mean, okay, Gethard really improved my relationship with improv by being so compassionate and insightful. And yeah, the Doc form is so amazing and the team, coach, class, the shows, they were all such a blast. But this, this class has made the Harold exciting. Shannon splits the class up into teams and you stay with them throughout. Somehow, through doing organic Harolds, the 8 of us, most of whom have never performed together, have formed a truly cohesive unit. There is trust, admiration, camaraderie, and a real group mind that I've not felt before in a class. For 8 people tossed together randomly, we've come together in a great way, both halves. The class show last week (which I will now blog about) was the best thing I've ever done. All of us were on the same page and, man, there's no better feeling than having a good show (at least to me right now). That's why I do improv.

So here I am, seven classes and a handful of workshops later. What is my deal? I think I've become notorious for being hard on myself, which is in part because I think the world of my indie peers. Coming up with these people, with the generation that produced Fat Penguin and Stamp & Coin Club, getting to play monthly with LD + The Scientist and Thank You, Robot, I'm constantly surrounded by truly gifted young improvisers entering their prime. I am constantly trying to figure out where I fit in, but I think I realize that my low points come when I'm trying to figure this out. Most of the Doc was spent trying to justify my inclusion to myself. I have fun when I just don't care. I don't know if that's a good thing, but when I'm really cutting loose I feel great. I have to figure out how to connect that to doing good scene work, but I think Shannon's 501 and my practices with Bad Data and Iron Ruckus of late have been really helpful.

I think I'm finally figuring out where I fit in, which goes back to the notes Porter gave me a while back. I do have a goofy energy that is pretty infectious, and I know that when I'm committed and cutting loose, I get laughs. On the other hand, I really want to learn how to slow down and support more, get some range. I'm definitely an improviser that plays instinctively and through his emotions, so I need to harness that. I wish I had great notes and insights like my friend Ben does after two years, but I haven't taken notes regularly and I have a hard time remembering things. I'm going to change this, though. If I can remember, I'm going to start taking notes during every class and after practice. I just want to be all I can be!

Here's to two more years, am I right?

We don't have no control, we're under control

Do you ever just have one of those weeks when your entire life gets turned upside-down? A status quo change on the level of Sidney taking down SD-6, Angel taking over Wolfram & Hart, or flash forwards becoming the new thing? That's what this week has been for me and I'm finding it all a little hard to take considering today is Valentine's Day.

On Monday I ended a phase in my life a bit prematurely...but it was necessary. That doesn't mean it's stopped hurting. Because it does. I've never caused that much drama and sadness before, in myself let alone someone else, and it's not easy to adjust to. I'm glad I have other things, positive and negative, to look forward to to take my mind off of this. Also, being able to hide status updates on Facebook is the best thing in the world related to the most useless application in the world.

On Tuesday I found out that you can get fired for doing everything that I wrote about a couple weeks ago. Okay, it's not really getting fired so much as getting dumped by my place of employment. It's not working out, I'm not having fun, all that stuff. All of which is true. I think if you know me you know that I love the X-Men, have issues with social interaction, and loathe my job. So this is the push I need to get another job, I just don't like that I'm not controlling when it happens. But yeah, if it was up to me I have no idea when it would be. And to be fair, I've been trying a lot harder at my job and have started doing many other tasks outside of my normal realm to try and be a better employee, not that any of this has really been noticed. I was actually told that my job isn't important. Can't wait to work here for six weeks with that comment hanging over my head.

If it wasn't for my friends, I don't think I would have been able to keep a solid grasp on my mind. To illustrate the depths of sadness I have fallen into, I listened to Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea on the subway this morning and had to keep the tears back. And that's not even an album I really like all that much. My friends all jumped in immediately to help me on Tuesday, correcting my cover letter and giving me all sorts of leads and advice. If it wasn't for you guys I would be directionless and clueless and definitely wouldn't be able to muster the strength to blog (I apparently can muster up the strength to watch Flavor of Love 3). I called the six of us that met on Tuesday night at a diner to talk and vent our Friends, which was immediately met with ridicule and then morphed into an argument about which sad soul got stuck with being Joey (no one, we decided two Chandlers was better).

Another friend helping me out during this long and emotionally uncertain time is Room On Fire, the sophomore album by the Strokes. Everything about the album is important to me right now, from the tone of the guitar to the strained vocals, everything down to the feelings and memories each song conjures up. I bonded with this album while simultaneously bonding with three of the best friends I've ever had during one of the best times of my life, and that is something that enhances this album and makes it feel like home. The lyrics to the songs, particularly "What Ever Happened?," "Under Control," and "Automatic Stop," put my current feelings into words better than I ever could. Isn't that what the perfect album is supposed to do? Well, it's doing that.

I don't know what's coming up next and it terrifies me. I'm very much a creature of habit and a person who finds comfort in his own past. I constantly yearn for the days of yore, their blemishes and pains completely wiped away by my own nostalgia. One of the goals for 2008 is to have a four month stretch that at least matches the halcyon days of my Late Show internship and these changes are exactly what I need to accomplish this.

Also, if we haven't hung out in a while, give me a call. Odds are I miss you and would enjoy seeing you again. And we don't have to see improv, I swear. I can do other things.

Notorious

I'm trying. Lordy, I'm trying. If any reader cares about the current state of me and not comics (reviews of which will be up sometime, I've hit my first snag), here's a blog to appease you.

I'll get the blog-atross (a big blog issue, a blog albatross....does that make sense?) out of the way. My job is forcing me to figure out what is wrong with my own mental health in a way. Not in a scary "Buffy in that bad season six episode" way, just the way that makes me reexamine my own outlook on life. The main issue, it seems, is that I find it fundamentally hard to relate to/with people at times. I don't know if this stems from my severely awkward elementary days or has a much deeper root, but it's becoming a problem. Basically, I find it physically impossible for my mouth to mutter words that can be construed as small talk. I do not ask how people's weekends are. I do not say hi. I do not say goodbye. In general, I find a conversation that I have to think about the hardest thing to do (no wonder I do improv comedy). For real, if I once plan out any sentence to say to someone upon seeing them, that sentence then becomes the hardest sentence IN THE WORLD. The most recent example being last night when I called Susie to ask if she received and enjoyed her mix CD. I called and did not ask. I waited for her to bring it up. There you go, I can't do it.

Saying goodbye is another problem. I actually fancy myself to be a notorious no-goodbye-sayer, people regaling themselves with tales of my slippery escapes from numerous parties. Truth being, I like slipping away. I like avoiding the fuss, even if such fuss is just saying "goodbye" and other people saying "goodbye." I mean, this makes sense in party-type situations since saying goodbyes can very well take up a half hour. Why this applies to me at work, I don't know. But I do it.

I also have a hatred for small talk which is an old holdover from my teenage years. I'd be surprised if my parents could name a time that they got more out of me than "nothing" or "I had fun" or "something" in response to a simple question. This is still true, sadly. I'd rather talk about a crazy scheme, a theory on Lost, X-Men, why 80s music sucks, how much I hate my hair, anything other than what I did that weekend or what I plan to do tonight. I actually found it nearly physically impossible to say that my comedy stuff is going well at work the other day. The fact that I called it "comedy stuff" is pretty bad in and of itself.

I don't know how to fix these things. Or I mean, I know how to fix these things but every fiber of my being screams to not. Okay, I'll try...or something...but don't expect me to start saying goodbyes at parties. I don't know if I've gotten that rep in New York yet, and it's one I want!

I've gotten back into the habit of watching Late Show every night, which is both great and as...well, you know...as one would expect. On top of that I'm trying to watch the HBO movie Late Shift about the whole Carson/Leno/Letterman debacle of the early 90s (trying being the operative word; Leno looks like the son of Cher in Mask). The primary thought in my head is that all of this is going to happen again next year. NEXT YEAR. Somehow this came up so quickly. My goal, my goal that I decided upon when moving here, was to position myself in such a way to be able to swoop in and get a job at whatever shows are left in the wake of the Leno/Conan/Letterman switcheroo fiasco that's coming up. Now I've been at my job for over a year and I don't know how close I am. My resume didn't get me hired at Late Show last fall (among many other things, number one being that I'm nothing but a giggling optimistic and immature mess when I walk into that building...I am self-loathing) so I don't know...eh, I don't know. The more I watch late night TV and the more work I do in comedy, the more certain I am that that is where I want to be. That's my calling. And I can't figure out a way to get there.

UCB is going well, even though I'm not interning anymore. Bad Data had an awesome show and some even awesomer practices, so we're all pretty happy with that. Hey! We may even be getting sued! Go to www.baddata.net and check out the latest news, you know, after you watch that totes sweet flash intro. I auditioned to be an actor on a UCB official sketch team (a Maude team). It involved me doing 3 minutes of whatever-the-heck I please. That turned out to be three characters, including Fred Schneider. I pretty much just did this bit, and it got a much bigger laugh that I ever expected. I left the audition quite proud, especially since I didn't even plan on auditioning until the weekend before the submissions were due.

My New Year's resolutions and projects are going well. I've managed to do something non-improv related every weekend (including a smashing Lost party) and I've written five pages a week. So far I've written 12 pages of a 30 Rock spec script and, yes, another 10 or so more pages in my X4 script. So....any writing is good writing. The mix CD club I started up is up and running, and a lot of fun. And my Features book is, well, it's going along as quickly as I thought it would. No rush there, though, just glad I got the questionnaires out.

Okay, so that's it. I'm okay. I'm not close to having a four month stretch of time better than Fall 2006, which is another New Year's goal, but it's only January. Don't expect to get a personal blog again for a while. It's all comic books from now on.

Strike

My lack of confidence and belief in my own limited intelligence/vocabulary prevents me from giving a fully articulated post about what is going on right now. My job is not greatly affected by the strike and it's still business as usual. Still, being part of the improv community and a former Late Show intern, I know a great deal of people that are being affected by this and, being a middle-class white guy with black frame glasses, I fully hope to one day be in the WGA. I hope to make a living writing something that I'm proud of and I hope to be able to live off residuals when my employer figures out I'm just recycling material from Late World with Zach. It moves/touches/makes me have the feel goods when I see such a united front against what amounts to a circa Civil War-esque Tony Stark/S.H.I.E.L.D. organization (did you think I'd make it without a comic reference?).

Here are some strike-related links.

Late Show Writers On Strike
Deadline Hollywood Daily
Mike Still's writer's strike thoughts
Chris Gethard's writer's strike thoughts
The Office writers on strike video
Entertainment Weekly article
The super long but super informative WGA strike thread on the Improv Resource Center

My picture came from UCB NY alum and current UCB LA performer Eric Appel's flickr collection, viewable here. This is probably one of the best things to look at since it puts a real face on the strike. You won't recognize 90% of the people in these photos (although the pic of Jess Jackson with Tom Arnold is near pricless, as is the rest of Day 5) which completely destroys the argument that the writers are all a bunch of millionaires wanting to attach two-story arcades to their mansions.

I'm fine with this surprisingly strong TV season being cut short. Actually, in a season that has seen Desperate Housewives make a comeback, 30 Rock's handful of episodes destroy last season, and freshman breaths of fresh air Reaper and Chuck, it should be more apparent than ever that writers are absolutely essential to television. Today, the networks announced the trash that will be taking over the airwaves come 2008. Get a load of this, from today's Cynopsis:

Duel (ABC) "In this gamer, players have to bluff well to win."
Million Dollar Password (CBS) with Regis Philbin
Do You Trust Me (CBS) with Tucker Carlson
American Gladiator (NBC) with Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali

Amnesia (NBC) with Dennis Miller

The Moment of Truth (Fox)

And don't forget returning favorites Supernanny, Wife Swap, Big Brother, Survivor, The Amazing Race, 1 vs. 100, Deal Or No Deal, American Idol, Hell's Kitchen, Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?, Don't Forget The Lyrics!, America's Next Top Model, Beauty & the Geek, and last and least...Pussycat Dolls.

And I'm not watching any of it. Matter of fact, once new episodes run out, I will not be watching any television or downloading/viewing anything online. It's all I can do to support the strike, I think, and I'll do it.

LABOR

I don't blog much because I always turn blogging into An Assignment. When my year in New York anniversary came up (August 18th), I had this big idea to map out my year and discuss the highs and lows in a very thought out manner. This was like a research paper. Why would I impose that on myself? From now on, this is going to be off the cuff, loose, totes cazh (casual? Is that the right abbrev?).

Labor Day weekend was ginormous. I had both Friday and Monday off, something that I definitely needed. I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately, so having a solid two days with nothing to do was amazing. I slept, watched South Park and X-Files, started reading the $40 worth of comics I bought on Saturday, and fiddled with the iPod. All things I don't do enough of.

Bad Data debuted on Saturday at Under St. Mark's with Sherpa and Shark Tank and it was a lot of fun. It went well, we got lots of laughs, and I feel like we're a worthwhile entry into the ranks of the indie improv scene. Afterwards we went to Grassroots for a while and then hit up Beauty Bar for a late night danceathon. This is what I want Bad Data to be known for: the group that has a great time after their show is over, doing more than drinking in a bar. For real, we celebrated on Saturday night and it was one of the most fun nights I've had in a while. For the first time, or one of the first times, New York felt a bit like home. It would have been better if "This Is How We Do it" had been played.

A year ago around this time I posted this blog. I'm glad that both of these blogs contain dancing and fun times, but only one of them contains Late Show. I almost feel like (or screw almost; I do feel like) I'm a former high school athlete looking back longingly on his high school glory days. Late Show was my high school, my crowning achievement accomplished way too early in life (stop laughing, Ashley) and etc. etc. And okay, I know Late Show isn't the be-all-end-all but every day that I'm in New York I owe to that internship. I would be in Tennessee still, working for NewsChannel 5 right now if I hadn't been whisked away to the land of research. Because of that internship, I feel like I'm a lot closer to an awesome career in television, a career that would be almost unattainable from the position of a camera operator in Nashville. I've just replaced Late Show with UCB...but I still kinda yearn for the days that I had both.

My friends have a podcast. It makes my day.

Grip Like A Vice

Thanks to Ashley for showing off her book last night at dinner. I now find myself in one of those. THANKS.

Since Ashley's been in town, it's been like the jolly old times of last fall. And yes, those were jolly times to me. I worked as much as I do now but I know I was a lot happier. Maybe it was because I love Late Show (yep), maybe it was the people (I trust them with my life), maybe it was the fact that there was a show every day and I got to see where all my work was going (sometimes my work even made it on air). I hit a high point in my life last semester, honestly, and retrospect and nostalgia is totes amplifying this.

And now that dream is dead. It hit me this weekend. Improv has taken over my life to the point that I can't realistically dream about working at Late Show anymore. I've known this all along. The weekend I spent working on my application for the job of research assistant was a grueling one, an intense one, and a non-fun one because I missed a concert. That's what that life is like sometimes, hello, and the idea of getting a job at Late Show right out of college was intoxicating. If that had happened, however, I would not be doing improv right now. I know I'm a better improviser than I am a researcher, by the way. So things worked out fine.

While walking to work this morning (in the 30 seconds it takes from R-train to front door) it hit me: I would be happier in Nashville working at Channel 5+. I would be happier directing a TV show again, even if it is about menopause, the Titans, and road work. I miss working on a television show that is being made now, that is active, that is live. That's what I did in college, that's where I thrived. I miss that urgency and I miss how I acted in that urgency. I want to see Decisive Director Brett again. It's been so long and I'm so lethargic at work that I think that Brett is dying. The only blip of life in that Brett is in improv.

And that's why I'm in New York now. That's where I get to be the Brett that I like, the Brett that I think actually has the ambition to have a career in this business (the business of comedy, preferably comedy on television). I organize, I schedule, I listen, I react, I improv.

Of course living in New York is really expensive. I have an expensive apartment that I will be alone in this summer after planning on having a roommate. Everything fell through and now I will be eating two sandwiches a day and, yes, ending my comic buying (we'll see how well that one goes). I also finally got my insurance card today, so I'm back on my allergy medication after getting pretty fugly. But in New York, I can only get 30 pills at a time instead of 90 and, the kicker, it cost me $67 when it normally costs me $10-$15. The pharmacy said this may go down eventually....but the thought of now spending upwards of $60 on medication a month when that is, seriously, 20% of my total spending money for an entire month is Freaking. Me. Out.

I. Need. More. Money.

Do. You. Need. Plasma?

Right now I'm grateful that I have "Grip Like A Vice" by The Go! Team to listen to (it's on my myspace page). Uplifting. For real.

Cthulhu

I'm easily inspired. Sometimes I'm convinced that I've never had an original thought; I just take all media I ingest and then spit it back out all Bretted up. My "original screenplay" is a rip off of Shaun of the Dead and The Incredibles. My sitcom pilot is an homage to The Office from before it exploded on this side of the pond. Everything I write that I think is funny, or that I think should be funny, is based on an inside joke that only a select few get (or this is what I'm told; I'm convinced everyone thinks Echo Base drama is hilarious). To be honest, I don't write much at all. For someone who claims to be a writer, who empathizes with anything and everything having to do with those who write, I don't do a whole lot of it. This is it. This and typing into Excel spreadsheets at The Big Kid Job. I read in a book of interviews with comic book writers that most writers hate the process but love the outcome. I agree with that. Writing sucks, especially when you're as harsh and judgmental as myself.

To write you have to be smart. Or, should I say, to write well you have to be smart. My main insecurity (aside from still struggling with acne, my gray hair, being 5'6", and occasionally mispronouncing words) is my intelligence. Numero uno. Most of the time I feel like a fake, like I've somehow conned people into thinking I'm a lot smarter than I am. Read back over this blog; you could probably find places to trade in my $2 words for $5 or $7 ones. This could be structured better, my use of grammar is horrible, and you'd be shocked at the number of words I have to look up to make sure they mean what I think they mean (you can't always rely on comics to teach new words).

My insecurity about my intelligence comes up every time anyone discusses politics. I should know more about that stuff (see, "stuff," I'm sure there's a better word), I should want to read about it, I should want to care. But no. I instead spend fifteen minutes looking at preview images of action figures from the upcoming Spider-Man 3. Shouldn't I be an adult now? When does that happen? Does it happen anymore? I read an article in "Time" about the delay of adulthood well into the late 20s/early 30s due to the extended amount of time it takes to get through school. This leaves our generation stuck trying to figure ourselves out at the exact same age that my parents were married at. Married with a kid.

My self-loathing subsides every morning on the subway for a brief second when I'm able to look out the window and see the Statue of Liberty. Not that this is a huge deal; I'm more a fan of the lady's work in Ghostbusters II than the inspiring of huddled masses (and yes, I had to double check that she was in the sequel). Just for that bit of time, I'm reminded that I'm a middle-clas guy from Murfreesboro, Tennessee...in New York City...an alumnus of The Late Show...working for a pretty darn impressive company in my field...with all sorts of opportunities laid out for me (a smarter person would put a metaphor here...or maybe just a pretentious one). After all, one can't do improv in Tennessee without it taking place in someone's living room. And only in their living room, like, you're not doing it anywhere else. That's it.

Thus bringing me to my constant source of joy and self doubt. I think I'm good at improv, I think a lot of my day-to-day interaction with human beings could be considered improv, I want to be good at it. But then I'll get in scenes where I don't know what an epi-pen is, or heaven help me when politics enters into a scene. This could easily be solved by, I don't know, reading about some things and building knowledge. Maybe I should add that to 2007: Kill The Beast. The Beast is gaining ground tonight. A wee bit o' ground.

Wednesday is Valentine's Day. I could go on and on about that, but truth be told I'm ready to just move on. I know things are over and I even shaved to commemorate this. But it still sucks. And being lonely on Valentine's Day...I'm used to it. At least I have Lost.

Oh, and lastly, I wish I had more insightful things to post here. Or wittier things. Is it wrong that I hate how I come across on message boards? I read other people's posts and think "how did they think of that?" or "why can't I come across as funny?" I can't explain how much of my day is spent wondering if what I'm about to type is funny. This sure isn't funny, or maybe it is because it's honest and I'm not trying to be funny. Wow, the mind boggles.

I'm also cutting back on reviewing things because I think I suck at it. Unless it's something I hate. I write pretty spectacularly when I dislike something. If only Rob Liefeld would make more comics. Or...well, he makes them, I guess the variable is me buying them.

Geez, I don't know where all this comes from. Actually, it comes from reading my friend Shawn Lieving's blog and wishing that I had such insightful and naturally hilarious stories to tell. Truth be told, the most exciting part of my day was seeing that "sloths" sketch on SNL.

Now I'm going to go eat cocaine off America's gravestone.

There's nothing.

Nothing of interest is really going on today. I mean, yeah, there's a buttload of news about Isaiahgate (TR might be leaving Grey's Anatomy) but I don't watch the show. Also, George Clooney is denying slumming with Pamela Anderson and Perez Hilton caught Clay Aiken surfing the web for some Southern Man Love. Really, this doesn't even compare to the marvel of internet-celebrity-manipulation that was The Stephanie Tanner Project.

The biggest news this morning is the copy of my Improv 101 class photo, taken after our *amazing* debut performance. We are Chanteuse, named after our teacher Ari Chanteuse Voukydis. 101 was one of the highlights of my life, I hope 201 (starting Sunday) tops it.

Best Week Ever posted a from my alma mater. It's pretty rad.

LAST 3 SONGS PLAYED ON iPOD
"Children of Kellogg" by Clinic ***
"Paradise" by Clinic **
"Tusk" by Clinic ***

Cold War 2.0

Part of my new Big Kid Job is to look through blogs daily. So, in an effort to stay true/in touch with my roots, I've started reading Nashville Cream. Homesick, I am. One of the articles that got my attention involves former blog/indie darlings Cold War Kids and the current backlash against them. Most of this backlash centers around the band's religious background (they met at BIOLA!) and their maybe/sorta denial of it. Or they just aren't acknowledging it. Or people are using their *sorta* religiosity (real word?) as a scapegoat for just not liking their music.

Here's my take, because everyone really cares. But the world of blogging means that everyone gets a say. Hmm...

The band performed on "The Late Show" on my last day, the same night that "The Tonight Show" had The Killers. Perfect example of why I love "The Late Show" and why I loved being there; the show brought "who is that?" artists to a wide-ish audience. I bought the CD over Christmas break (which is a term I don't think I can use anymore since I've graduated) and it's highly enjoyable. I noticed that the album has a dirty South feel, and not the kind that Ludacris goes for. I notice lyrics but rarely pick up on true meanings unless they're obvious ("Lola" is totally a dude, even I got that). I like the Cold War Kids' CD. Good songs.

And really, if this is Christian music, it's better than this.

So that's as far as I go. The Pitchfork review was really hateful, but can one expect anything else from them? I cite this Apples in Stereo review often. How about reviewing the music?

LAST 3 SONGS PLAYED ON iPOD
"Hospital Beds" by Cold War Kids ****
"Everybody's Happy Nowadays" by The Buzzcocks ****
"Tell Me In The Morning" by Cold War Kids ****

A true yankee bayonet

I purchased my ticket to see the Decemberists today at 1:00. Buying tickets is normally a pain but, somehow, this went quite smoothly. I will be seeing the band on March 24th at some place called Avalon (props if your mind immediately goes to The Acolytes HQ, mid-90s X-Men reference) in Boston.

Tickets weren't so bad, $30.99 is a lot cheaper than their Bowery Ballroom concert late last year.

This'll be my first time seeing them. Nothing but a flimsy metal gate between me and Colin Meloy. Of course there was nothing between us when he walked by me in the airlock back when I was an intern at "The Late Show" (oh, November was so long ago!). Whatever. I'm excited. Debating on wearing period garb.

LAST 3 SONGS PLAYED ON iPOD
"The Hives Are Law, You Are Crime" by The Hives *****
"6060-842" by The B-52's *****
"Who Is It?" by Talking Heads *****